This morning I spent some time reflecting on weight loss. Since I been up and down the scale I thought "What was different the times that I have actually lost weight?" and of course that question led to "what happened to make me stop losing and to in fact gain?" I was easily able to say that I believed in myself and that I was worth it.
I went back and traced my weight loss journey. I decided to lose weight, I needed to. That vision I had of myself dead on the bathroom floor, scared me so I started. I set goals and when the weight loss started to happen I thought about what life would be like when I lost the weight. How would my life change, things would be different. I lost the weight and I realized that it wasn't that way. My life was exactly the same except that I had a bit more energy and my clothes were a smaller size. The life problems were still there.....weight loss didn't fix everything. I was listening to life and allowing it to derail me.
So what was different now? I read something that started making me think.
"How to translate a right mental conviction into a right emotional result, and so into easy, happy, and good living—well, that's not only the neurotic's problem, it's the problem of life itself for all of us who have got to the point of real willingness to hew to right principles in all our affairs."
Even with the weight loss peace and joy may still elude me, it's a hell of a spot, literally. So how can my unconscious—from which so many of my fears, compulsions and phony aspirations still stream—be brought into line with what I actually believe, know and want! How do I convince My dumb, raging and hidden "Mr. Hyde" becomes our main task.
That's what I need to work on. I still intend to get down to 240 lbs by July of 2015, which is a ambitious goal. I will need to lose 9 lbs a month. I am breaking it down into three area
Being accountable means stepping up to the plate and taking responsibility for my weight, while publicly declaring my desire to change. That's the reason I started this blog and have failed to keep it up, this is going to change. I have started back to doing what worked, when I lost the weight, keeping track of my weight weekly, tracking calories and staying away from my kryptonite pizza.
I’m weighing again every Friday morning and have started a weight loss page to tell the world. I may even start posting progress photos, but I have to think about that.
Back to sparkpeople and tracking my food. It worked last time so it should work this time. According to the calculators I need to consume about 2,268 calories a day to reach my goal weight of 240 lbs by July 30, 2015.
This is what I need to work on and discover how to convince Mr Hyde to change. So let the game begin!!!