Friday, October 24, 2014

Serenity Now

“We don’t tell ourselves, ‘I’m never going to write my symphony.’ Instead we say, ‘I am going to write my symphony; I’m just going to do it tomorrow.’”  - The War of Art, Steven Pressfield

I ran across a blog today called Can You Stay For Dinner and read Audie's October 21, 2014  post.   Its about what she has learned the second time losing weight.  It was a amazing read that made me think about my struggles. Someone once told me there was a difference between knowledge and wisdom. While all around me I had access to more information than I knew what to do with about my weight things did not change.  There is a prayer were it talks about accepting the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.  Her post made me that about the wisdom to know the difference, powerful insight that I needed.

Procrastination.  The bane of my existence.  Why do something today when you can do it tomorrow. It seems that I procrastinate because outside distractions  interfere with my long-term goals. In a sense I sabotage my own success, which is really strange. I will make plans to exercise or to diet but find my  attention drawn toward attractions like the television or the refrigerator. I am hiding from either feels or situations I really don't want to handle which only leads to more discomfort.  However when I finally do face the situation it not that bad, which is totally baffling.  

So I say I am going to work on my procrastination and ironic thing is that I off dealing with my procrastination.  Get me a couch.

This leads me back to the serenity prayer. This simple three-fold prayer to a power greater than myself  asks for three things:

1) Serenity
2) Courage
3) Wisdom

A simple prayer that holds great meaning.  Courage to change things in my life might lead only to heartbreak and suffering when I apply it to something that is out of my hands. Serenity in accepting bad situations and treatment that could be changed might leave that me to be trapped and helpless within the my current mess. And the wisdom to figure out the one from the other is useless if not acted upon.

The prayer show me that these simple concepts and counsels me to stay calm in the face of matters I can do nothing about and tells me to decisive moves in the face of those I can. It serves to clarify my thoughts during times of trouble when all is confusion, suffering, and doubt in that it provides an answer, or at least a tool that can be used to help find an answer, to what can be done and what cannot.

So as Audie concluded "It’s time to feel, and really be, OK. And that’s not something you can put off. Not even for a day."

Time to start and change the thing I can.....

Stats for the week

Weight when I first started blogging:     431.0 lbs
Weight when I started re-start:               422.6 lbs
Last weigh-in:                                         390.0 lbs
Current weight:                                       387.4 lbs
Loss for the week:                                       2.6 lbs
Total loss since re-start:                             32.6 lbs
Goal for coming week:                      Met my goal

I'm out of here


Friday, October 17, 2014

The unsinkable Gary Brown

“An entire body of water the size of the Pacific Ocean can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship.  Similarly, all the negativity in the world can’t bring you down unless you allow it to get inside your head.” - unknown

I was down now I am up.  One has to keep fighting to win.  I read a couple of posts establishing healthy habits and here is the plan

Step 1: Set Goals by Baselining My Health
Step 2: Set Priorities
Step 3: Identify Harmful Patterns
Step 4: Make Steady Changes
Step 5: Reinforce Good Decisions

So today I am going to work on step 1.

The first step in taking control of my well-being is to set goals, and a sensible way to do this is to “baseline” my health. I need to gather some basic facts that realistically inform you about your body: weight, height, family history, exercise habits, general diet, and a self-assessment of my stress levels at work and in my home life.

I have found out that setting big goals, like the title of this blog, might be exciting but starting with small, boring goals is more likely to lead to success.Therefore smaller and simpler my goals are, the more likely I will to keep them.

From what I read I need to select just ONE habit at a time.

So for this week my goal is keep my calorie count under the 2700 calories a day, which would lead to two pounds a week.

Hopefully taking small actions tricks my big old brain. Since my inner me likes to be in control and does not like change, the big changes I resist, but maybe I can sneak a small change by it.

Let's see

Weighted in today and am disappointed with my stats.    


Weight when I first started blogging: 431.0 lbs.
Weight when I started re-start:           422.6 lbs
Last weigh-in:                                     387.4 lbs
Current weight:                                   390 lbs
Loss for the week:                                 -2.6 lbs
Total loss since re-start:                        32.6 lbs.
Goal for coming week:                        Developing healthy habits

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Off the Wagon

So for the last two weeks I have been struggling with food.  I was doing so well then bam of the track, hit a wall, off the wagon.  What happen, I look back and I was doing so well, then just like my normal way I stopped no reason.  It was the weekend, I got a craving and did not resist and started grazing as my father called it.

At least I caught it before I went all in.  But still why did it happen, I don’t know.

Well time to start it again, life goes on

I am out


Friday, October 3, 2014

Bump in the road

 Yesterday we celebrated a friend of mine anniversary.  What a pleasure to know this lady for the last 28 years. While she can infuriate me with her "Pink Cloud" she has been a rock in my life.

We went out to El Limon, the new Mexican restaurant in Ambler, and is good.  I tried to keep my food in check with just sharing a appetizer, although I had the lion's share of it, and tortilla soup I felt like I did well.  I had a piece of cake to celebrate and somehow wound up taking the rest home.

According to my friend Kathy, "take it into work for my employees".  Problem is I have a luncheon date today so the cake will stay home.  I need to freeze it and get it out of the refridge or it will be gone.

Weighted in today and am disappointed with my stats.    


Weight when I first started blogging: 431.0 lbs.
Weight when I started re-start:           422.6 lbs
Last weigh-in:                                     385.2 lbs
Current weight:                                   387.4 lbs
Loss for the week:                                 -2.2 lbs
Total loss since re-start:                       35.2 lbs.
Goal for coming week: Figure out what is going on

Now I know I have not did any swimming this week and I had my back shot but my food has been on track, around 2000 calories a day.  This is baffling, but I need to stick the course and maybe its just a bump in the road.

"Life is like a highway, no matter what they say, the construction is never finished. There's always gonna be bumps in the road and detours every now and then." - Nishan Panwar

out of here


Thursday, October 2, 2014

Time to wake up

Alright, my last post it got me to thinking and writing again. What is a "psychic change," what is the nature of a "spiritual awakening?"

In the Doctor's Opinion in the Big Book of AA, as I was studying the Big Book again, the antidote for recovery from alcoholism is stated "...unless this person can experience an entire psychic change (also known as a "spiritual awakening") there is very little hope of his recovery."

In my opinion it is that change that has come from reaching the turning point in which I decided I had enough and became willing to go to any lengths to get it and approached the working of life in that manner which then started the evolution of the psychic change which lead to ultimately learning that my self-centeredness was at the center of my sickness and that it was about focusing on God's Will (or Good Orderly Direction) not mine and practicing the principles of a program for life in all my affairs.
All my affairs, not just some.  That also means the way I use and abuse food and activity.  It was a very simple thing (although not easily achieved), to change my system of beliefs, when it came to drinking, but now food.  This means entire system of belief I have been living with and operating under all my life. Oh boy that's going to be a challenge.  But a necessary one because I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this.  I am finally sick and tired of being sick and tired of this weight thing.

I guess this blog/journal might help me along the way, we shall see. I read that a blog trains me to be observant in things in my life and gives weight to the personal growth that hopefully I am experiencing. It can be used train my mind to track thing happening life and articulate the changes I am experiencing. In becomes my record of my life that is saved “in the cloud” never to be lost, stolen, or destroyed in a fire.

Since I am still new to all this on a daily use, it will be difficult, but any lengths so we shall see.  Part of the awaking we shall see.

“Blogging is best learned by blogging…and by reading other bloggers.” – George Siemens

I am out